Ep. 201 – Dr. Jennifer Dragonette – How Different Communication Styles Impact Marriage, Money, and Emotional Wellbeing
Ever notice how you and your partner seem to "think out loud" differently—or not at all?
Our resident therapist expert, Dr. Jennifer Dragonette, is back to talk about how differences in processing and communication styles can shape our relationships (and even our financial decisions!).
You'll hear us share stories from our own families (yes, even the awkward silences and eye rolls), explore why venting isn't always an invitation for advice, and break down the nonverbal cues that can say so much more than words. Dr. Jen offers some incredible, practical tips on how to name our patterns, set expectations, and really invest in understanding where our partners are coming from—emotionally and financially.
So, whether you're trying to navigate a disagreement with your spouse, feeling misunderstood, or want to strengthen your connection at home, I think you'll find a lot to take away from this honest and relatable discussion. Let's dive in!
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES YOU MAY LIKE
1 Big Idea to Think About
Understanding and respecting each other's different communication and processing styles—whether internal or external—can be a true act of love that strengthens relationships and minimizes unnecessary conflict. Taking the time to name and narrate these differences not only deepens connection but also helps couples avoid common misunderstandings.
1 Way You Can Apply This
To improve communication and reduce conflict in your relationships, try openly narrating your thinking and processing style—let your partner know if you need time to reflect internally or if you prefer to talk things through out loud. By simply saying, “I need to process this quietly for a bit” or “I’d like to talk out some ideas before deciding,” you help set clear expectations, create space for understanding, and strengthen the emotional connection, making conversations about everything from parenting to finances more harmonious and productive.
1 Question to Ask
Do I tend to process my thoughts and emotions internally or externally, and how might my communication style be affecting my relationships with my partner, family, or friends?
Key Moments From the Show
00:51 Annual transition into summer brings chaos and new routines, affecting family dynamics.
01:43 Therapy and financial planning intersect; vulnerability in money and relationships.
03:14 Working with clients' deeply personal concerns is a unique and delicate responsibility.
04:53 Softening around emotions in finances and relationships is a growing trend.
06:14 Couples struggle with different communication styles—internal vs. external processing.
08:48 We’re often attracted to partners with opposite processing styles, causing friction.
10:32 Example: External vs. internal processing can lead to misunderstandings in conversations.
12:02 Silence in a relationship may be misread, causing hurt or invalidation.
14:24 External processing can be confused with advice-seeking, causing unintentional invalidation.
16:36 Stating intentions and needs in conversation can reduce resentment and frustration.
17:30 Silence and switching processing styles may confuse partners and raise red flags.
18:56 “What’s wrong?” often triggers defensiveness—better ways to check in with partners.
20:42 Use “I’m telling myself a story…” to gently express concern and foster understanding.
21:57 External processors share openly, internal processors need time—naming this helps relationships.
23:21 Example: Car ride illustrates disconnect when one partner needs silence and the other, conversation.
25:03 Embracing awkward silence can help couples and advisors connect more deeply.
26:42 Nonverbal cues—like eye rolls or body language—can outweigh words in relationship communication.
29:12 Communication styles are like different languages in a partnership; learning each other’s is an act of love.
31:20 Awareness and ongoing investment are key to maintaining healthy, connected relationships.
32:53 Narrating thoughts and acknowledging differences lightens the emotional workload between partners.
Resources Featured in This Episode:
How Parenting Challenges Shape Real-World Financial Advice
Building Bridges in Relationships: The Impact of ‘Yes And’ on Understanding
How to Stay Focused on Your Financial Goals During a Politically Charged Summer