Ep. 195 – Dr. Jennifer Dragonette – Spending vs Saving: Tools for Couples to Align Money Values and Find Harmony
Do you ever feel like you and your partner speak different languages regarding money?
You're not alone.
Our resident psychologist, Dr. Jennifer Dragonette, is back for a conversation that's equal parts practical, personal, and surprisingly fun. We're talking about the classic clash between spenders and savers—why it happens, how to navigate it, and what it takes to turn financial friction into a stronger connection.
From our walk-and-talks to exploring the deeper stories we carry about money, this episode is full of honest, relatable moments, therapist-approved guidance, and even a few good laughs (wait until you hear the bit about pickles).
Whether you're deep in financial negotiations with your partner or want to understand your own patterns better, this episode is packed with real-life insights, proven strategies, and stories that will hit home.
Please enjoy my conversation with Dr. Jennifer Dragonette.
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES YOU MAY LIKE
1 Big Idea to Think About
Getting on the same page around values and understanding why each partner thinks about money the way they do is much more important than agreeing on every spending or saving decision. True emotional balance comes from empathy, curiosity, and a willingness to meet in the middle.
1 Way You Can Apply This
To foster better communication around spending and saving in your relationship, schedule regular “walk and talk” sessions - taking financial discussions outside for a stroll rather than sitting face-to-face at a table. This active approach helps lower tension, encourages open conversation, and allows both partners to better understand and validate each other’s financial perspectives, paving the way for more harmonious decision-making and a stronger partnership.
1 Question to Ask
What underlying beliefs or experiences from my past influence how I approach saving and spending in my relationship today?
Key Moments From the Show
05:57 When savers and spenders partner up, conflict often follows—especially as kids get older and expenses rise.
08:53 Every couple disagrees about spending; our money beliefs go back generations.
13:21 Calm, non-defensive conversations about money work best; physiological stress signals a pause is needed.
16:12 Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling are warning signs; shame and fear fuel financial fights.
18:56 “Walk and talk” discussions are easier—movement reduces tension and helps open conversations.
21:24 Truly listening to understand your partner’s money background and emotional needs can transform conversations.
23:51 Couples who succeed plan ahead: set a time, share responsibility, and use external accountability.
27:15 Appreciate your partner’s financial perspective, even if it’s different. Small acts (like sharing expensive pickles) bridge differences.
32:45 Creating a spending plan together is liberating; get creative and align spending with shared values.
35:40 Alignment on values and objectives—not total agreement—builds a stronger financial and emotional foundation.
Resources Featured in This Episode:
The Four Horsemen: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling
Rethinking the Relationship Between Money and Happiness
Understanding Make Sureing: The Fine Line Between Support and Control