Ep. 218 – Dr. Jennifer Dragonette – Navigating Positive and Negative Sentiment in Financial Planning and Family Life
Are you keeping score in your relationships with your spouse, kids, or friends?
I welcome back our resident therapist expert, Dr. Jennifer Dragonette, for an eye-opening conversation about the ways our perspectives can shape every aspect of our relationships—at home and beyond. Dr. Jen introduces us to the idea of “positive vs. negative sentiment override.” It’s all about how we subconsciously gather evidence to support the story we’re telling ourselves about our partner, our kids, or even our coworkers, and how that can tip our emotional balance, for better or worse.
We dig in and make some interesting connections to my world of financial planning, comparing these emotional patterns to the affirmation bias investors often face. There are many parallels between managing money and managing emotions, particularly in breaking old habits, letting go of scorekeeping, and learning to see the positive in the people we care about.
If you’re a parent struggling with expectations, a partner trying to reconnect, or just someone looking for more balance, I think you’ll find this episode both relatable and practical.
Please enjoy my conversation with Dr. Jennifer Dragonette.
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ADDITIONAL RESOURCES YOU MAY LIKE
1 Big Idea to Think About
We tend to find what we're looking for in our relationships, positive or negative, so deliberately choosing to notice and appreciate the good can help rebalance and strengthen our connections with loved ones.
1 Way You Can Apply This
To foster more positive relationships at home, deliberately notice and verbally appreciate small acts of kindness or effort from your partner or children. By focusing attention on what is working well and expressing gratitude aloud, you help shift the emotional tone toward connection and growth, making your daily interactions feel more supportive and encouraging for everyone involved.
1 Question to Ask
Am I focusing more on the things that frustrate me about my loved ones, or am I making an effort to notice and appreciate their positive qualities and actions?
Key Moments From the Show
00:06 Juggling parenting, career, and marriage leaves families struggling to keep up.
01:55 Introduction of “positive vs. negative sentiment override” in relationships.
02:59 Early relationship “positive sentiment override”—collecting positive traits and minimizing negatives.
04:51 Negative sentiment override—scanning for faults, discounting positives in long-term relationships.
06:51 “We will find what we're looking for” in our partners—mindset shapes reality.
08:38 Drawing parallels between affirmation bias in investing and relationships.
10:05 Breaking tit-for-tat thinking—addressing issues as they arise, not storing resentments.
11:44 Human tendency toward negativity and self-protection in established relationships.
13:35 Shift to gratitude—deliberately highlight and praise positives in loved ones.
14:37 Scorekeeping as a parent—raising expectations with growing kids.
15:56 Difference between behavior and trait criticism; importance of high, realistic expectations.
17:10 “Always” and “you” as red-flag phrases—focus on specific behaviors, not core identity.
18:51 Praise efforts and growth to encourage more positive behaviors in kids and partners.
20:03 Why kids behave better with others than at home; comfort allows authenticity.
24:17 Celebrate different kinds of growth, not just obvious accomplishments.
28:44 Broaden the definition of progress—value bravery, effort, and kindness as growth.
32:09 Recap—awareness of our sentiment mode and striving for emotional balance.
Resources Featured in This Episode:
Building Bridges in Relationships: The Impact of ‘Yes And’ on Understanding
Breaking the Habit of "Make Sure-ing": How Letting Go Builds Trust and Confidence