You Can Do Most Things, But Not All: A Realistic Approach to Family Goals and Money
I never set out to be a father. But I always knew, since I was about 13, that I wanted to be a financial advisor. Now, 46 years later, I’m doing the work I imagined. And I’m also a dad to triplets plus one. That part? I didn’t see coming. Yet it’s had more impact on my work than almost anything else.
This isn’t a parenting story. It’s a reminder that who we are at home shapes how we show up in our professional lives. Especially when you’re helping people make decisions about one of the most personal topics there is: money.
Real Emotions on the Pool Deck
Last weekend, one of my daughters had a swim meet. If you’ve spent any time around competitive swimming, you know how intense it can be. It’s a sport that pushes kids to their limits, often alone in the water with nothing but their own thoughts.\
Over the course of three days, I saw a lot of emotions. Not just from my own daughter, but from many other kids too. At one point, I turned a corner and saw a friend’s daughter crying after a tough race. I almost walked past, not wanting to intrude. But then I thought, if that were my kid, I’d want someone to stop. So I turned around, gave her a hug, and just stood there with her.
That moment stuck with me. It reminded me of the families I work with and how emotions are always part of the equation. These experiences as a parent have helped me become more patient, more understanding, and more present. Not just with my kids, but in the conversations I have every day with the families I serve.
Why Understanding Emotions Matters in Financial Planning
Being a parent forces you to rely on others. You share rides, lean on friends, ask for advice, and offer your own. That same community mindset shows up in financial planning. Most families aren’t looking for someone to tell them what to do with their money. They’re looking for someone who gets what it feels like to carry the weight of all the decisions.
That’s why I ask a lot of questions. Not just about saving and spending, but about how people grew up around money. Did their parents talk openly about it? Were they taught to be cautious or carefree? Are their decisions today influenced by guilt, fear, ambition, or all of the above?
These questions matter, because emotions drive financial decisions. And financial decisions, in turn, affect how we feel. The old way of shaming people into budgeting better or saving more doesn’t work. What does work is sitting down and understanding their story.
Just like I do after a tough race with my kids. I ask what happened. What were they feeling? What was going through their minds? Those same questions help me uncover what really matters to the families I work with.
When Expectations Get in the Way
There’s a formula I come back to often. It’s simple but powerful:
Happiness = Reality minus Expectations
This one’s hard, even for me. I like goals. I like measuring progress. But high expectations can lead to frustration when they don’t match up with reality. That gap between what we hope for and what actually happens? It’s often where disappointment lives.
I see this a lot when families start planning. They want to retire early, save fully for college, buy a second home, and take great vacations. All while maintaining their current lifestyle. Sometimes, that’s possible. But often, something has to give.
That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t set expectations. It just means they need to be grounded in where you are today, not in a version of life that only works on paper.
Doing Most Things, Not All
One thing I say at home often, maybe too often, is this: you can do most things, but not all things.
This isn’t just a parenting mantra. It applies to finances too. Families today are juggling so much. Raising kids. Saving for college. Thinking about retirement. Maybe even helping aging parents.
Your money, your time, and your energy are limited. Planning is about prioritizing what matters most to you. Not what your neighbor is doing. Not what a blog says you should do. But what makes sense for your life.
That’s where good planning starts. With real questions:
Do you want more travel now, or more flexibility later?
Is paying for 100% of college the goal, or just helping your kids graduate with minimal debt?
Are you staying in your home because it’s right for you, or because you haven’t had space to think about alternatives?
These are the conversations that shape a meaningful plan. One that reflects your values, not someone else’s highlight reel.
Planning for Life as It Really Is
Social media loves a good success story. It’s full of filtered wins and perfect vacation photos. What it doesn’t show is the stress, the trade-offs, or the behind-the-scenes work that goes into keeping a family running.
The same is true with financial planning. What you don’t see is just as important as what you do.
Real planning accounts for missed goals, late starts, shifting priorities, and imperfect progress. It’s flexible. It moves with you, not against you. And the best plans don’t expect perfection. They expect life to happen.
The best advisors aren’t just experts in investments or retirement strategies. They’re good listeners. They know how to sit in the uncomfortable parts of your story without rushing to fix them. That’s what helps build trust. That’s what creates space for real clarity.
And yes, I credit a lot of that growth to being a parent. Because nothing will teach you how to listen quite like raising four kids.
Aim High, But Know When to Adjust
There’s no such thing as doing it all. And that’s okay.
The most successful families I’ve worked with are the ones who take a step back, reassess their expectations, and commit to what’s most meaningful for them. They still aim high. But they know how to adjust the plan when life changes.
You can do most things. But not all things. The key is figuring out which ones matter most — and making sure your plan supports them both financially and emotionally.