What If You Didn’t Need a Wake-Up Call to Change Your Life?
The Question We Avoid Until It’s Too Late
What are you going to do when you retire?
It’s a question people often ask out of curiosity or polite conversation. For some, it’s exciting to dream about a slower pace. But for others, the question hits a nerve—because the truth is, they’re not sure they even like the career they’re in right now.
I’ve thought about this question often. Recently, while on vacation, I noticed a few older couples who seemed retired or close to it. Every afternoon, they would sit quietly on their boats, just talking for hours. I kept wondering—what are they talking about day after day? And could I ever do that?
Honestly, I couldn’t. I’m not wired to sit still for long stretches. I like to be doing something. That realization made me appreciate how fortunate I am to be in a role where I love what I do. I don’t have a retirement plan because I don’t feel the need for one.
But that’s not the case for everyone.
Awareness Is Not the Same as Action
In nearly 20 years of working with families, I’ve noticed a pattern. Many people feel stuck in careers that no longer serve them—or perhaps never did. They’re aware of their unhappiness, but they struggle to do anything about it.
Awareness is important. It’s the first step in understanding what needs to change. But action? That’s where people often freeze. And unfortunately, it usually takes a major life event to force change: a layoff, the loss of a loved one, a divorce, a health scare. Only then do people allow themselves to reconsider the path they’re on.
But what if you didn’t need that kind of wake-up call? What if you could choose change before being forced into it?
From Corporate Regret to Meaningful Work
Before I started TAMMA Capital, I spent years in the corporate world—in finance, operations, engineering. I didn’t like it. In fact, I hated it. I knew I couldn’t spend the next 20 years stuck in a role that drained me. Fortunately, I had a plan. I had mentors. And I had something that, at the time, I didn’t even realize was so rare: clarity of purpose.
That drive came early. I worked for a small, family-owned oil company in my hometown run by Darrel and Melody Hoff. Watching them put in the work, take risks, and stick to their plan left a lasting impression on me. They weren’t just working—they were building something meaningful. That sense of purpose planted a seed I would carry with me for decades.
The Emotional Roadblocks to Change
Helping people find their financial footing is only part of what I do. The real work is often emotional. I’ve sat with couples where one spouse is burned out and wants to step away from their career. Financially, they’re in a position to do it. But emotionally? That’s another story.
There’s guilt. Fear. Doubt. What if I make the wrong decision? What if I can’t find something else? What if I let my family down?
It’s not always about money. Often, it’s about identity. When your career defines you—and then no longer serves you—it’s hard to let go. That’s why I focus just as much on emotional clarity as I do on spreadsheets and tax strategies.
The Busyness Trap
Most of the families I work with are raising kids while managing demanding careers. Theresa and I are right there too—triplet freshmen and a younger son headed into eighth grade. In that kind of environment, stepping back to reflect on your path feels impossible. Between school drop-offs, sports schedules, and managing a household, the days fly by.
But if you never pause to consider what’s working and what isn’t, you risk waking up a decade from now feeling just as stuck—but with even fewer options.
One couple I’ve worked with illustrates this perfectly. One spouse is deeply unhappy in their role. Financially, they’re secure. They could take a sabbatical or explore new opportunities. But the day-to-day busyness keeps them from stepping back and making a change. They’re aware, but they’re not acting.
Why Harmony Matters More Than Balance
I often say that financial planning is 20% numbers and 80% emotions. That’s why I don’t believe in the traditional idea of “balance.” Balance implies that all areas of life should receive equal attention at all times.
But that’s not real life.
There are seasons when your career needs more of you. And there are seasons when your family does. Trying to force balance only leads to frustration. What I aim for—and help families aim for—is harmony.
Imagine a teeter-totter. One end is always higher. One is always lower. But together, they create movement. Harmony allows you to flex with the moment rather than break under the pressure of trying to “have it all.”
Finding the Courage to Take the First Step
I wish I had a simple answer to help people move from awareness to action. I don’t. Change is personal. It’s emotional. It’s hard.
But I can tell you this: the sooner you recognize that your life doesn’t have to stay the same, the sooner you can begin shaping it into something better. You don’t need a crisis. You need clarity. And then, a willingness to take one small step forward.
As a financial advisor, my job isn’t just to help people plan for retirement or manage investments. It’s to guide them through the emotional decisions that shape their lives—decisions about work, relationships, and meaning.
If you’ve been sitting in awareness but struggling to act, maybe it’s time to stop waiting for the perfect moment. Maybe it’s time to explore what harmony could look like for you.